Looking for job in Nigeria is like looking for water on cocoyam leaves; job opportunity is almost non-existent. Here is the plight of Mr. Nigerian Job Seeker.

A position in government is his choice. Good, at least he’s got a choice. But, sorry, the few available spots are strictly reserved for those who know somebody that know somebody. The current workers have refused to retire and when they finally do, the positions go to their children—the children, mind you, are still in secondary school. So, he may need to look elsewhere.

All hope is not lost, however. The private sector holds some promise. At least, there are a few credible organizations seriously recruiting capable candidates. If you have a good degree; you are ‘intelligent’; you can work under serious pressure—like a horse; and above all you are ready to absolutely surrender your personal freedom, then you are the perfect candidate.

Congratulations! My man meets all the requirements, or so he believes. Until he discovers the company does not recruit after all. An HR company does that on it’s behalf. Another gobe! Some (out of no job I believe) create the job of giving jobs to people—the job they couldn’t get in the first place! They call themselves Human Resources Consultants. They have problematized job searching and redesigned it as a very complex course that very few (I emphasize few) can navigate. Haven’t you come across one of their books: How to Land the Dream Job, The Surest Ways to Impress Your Interviewer, etc. The struggle continues, my man brazed himself for their ‘attacks’, pays some money for their ‘admission’ forms, reads like a mad man and defeats them. Congratulations once again.

Mr. Job Seeker, congratulations. You have successfully passed all requirements. You have landed yourself the dream job of life. Below are the details:

Basic monthly salary- N30, 000.00

Tax- N2, 000.00

CSR due- N2000

Then comes the final blow.

Note: “HR Company” is entitled to 10% of your basic salary as long as you remain a staff in it’s employment.

My man is frustrated. Who wouldn’t be? What do we call this — legalized human trafficking? Or a fair deal?

There is God o.

He keeps charging on. Now, to the internet. Good God! There are opportunities here! How to make N300, 000.00 in a month, How to Be Your Own Boss… Good! He starts exploring his options and signs up for all the programs (paid and unpaid promises). Day by day, his mail is filled by the internet lords whose newsletters he has subscribed to. The internet lords lure him into actualizing their own financial interests while they serve him alluring but unrealistic ways of making money—sometimes they even use pornographic images. They’ll do anything to arrest his attention. After incurring debts to ensure steady online presence waiting for the golden opportunity, his eyes clear, and once again his hope dashed.

Hey, Mr Job Seeker; would you be modest enough to consider that teaching job offer they have been begging you take? Don’t belittle little beginnings.

— Nurudeen Lawal.